Never Alone
by lucianolover
Summary: Noah has to deal with a difficult situation. WARNING: Character Death
1. Chapter 1

**AN: From the beginning I will warn you that Luke Snyder is dead. I am sorry if this is disappointing for any readers, but I am not forcing you to read it so don't get mad at me.**

Noah Mayer opens the door to his dark apartment. He doesn't even bother turning on the lights. Instead he shuffles to the back room, the bedroom; _their bedroom._

As Noah flips on the lights in the bedroom his eyes fall upon the disarray that has accumulated over the last couple of weeks. Noah has practically lived in this room, hardly venturing out, since the accident. That accident had changed his life forever.

Noah drags his body to the bed. He crawls under the covers on the left side. The right side of the bed remains untouched, the sheets not lain upon, and the pillows still fluffed. All of a sudden Noah utters a simple, pained moan.

"Luke how could you do this to me? You always swore that you'd be with me and never leave, but here I am and you are gone," Noah mumbles as he grabs a pillow from the right side of the bed and hugs it tight to his chest.

Noah closes his eyes and breaths in the scent of the pillow. Luke's scent is still there, even though Luke hasn't lain on this pillow for two weeks. Noah wonders how long this pillow will hold Luke's scent. As if he was in the room Noah hears Luke's voice.

"Noah, bubby you've got to pull yourself together. Look around you; it's not like you to let our apartment become such a mess. I mean sure I'm a mess, but you are such a neat freak. This is not the Noah I love. You've changed, bubby, and I don't like it."

As Luke's voice fades from Noah's mind, Noah is reminded of what his therapist suggested he do to deal with his grief. With a sigh Noah pulls himself out of the bed and shuffles over to his laptop. Noah sits down at the desk where his laptop is located. As Noah waits for the laptop to start up, he glances around the room.

He sees two weeks' worth of his dirty laundry scattered all over the floor. Noah mentally adds laundry to his list of things to do. Noah's eyes fall on a navy blue polo poking out of the bottom of the nearest dirty laundry pile. Noah grabs the shirt and looks at it.

The polo belongs to Luke. Noah brings the shirt to his nose and closing his eyes he remembers the first time Luke wore this shirt.

_Noah was cleaning some tables at Java when Luke saunters in. Noah is a little surprised to see him here only a few hours after their fight. Luke walks slowly over to Noah. _

_"Look I want to apologize," Luke glances down nervously, "I have been pushing you away lately and I'm really sorry." Luke then shoves his left hand into his pocket and places his right hand on the counter._

_"I-I know things have been really hard for you lately," Noah sighs as he takes a few steps closer to Luke._

_"I wanna move back home." Luke forces a small smile and gazes at Noah hopefully._

_"To the apartment," Noah doesn't want to get his hopes up, no matter how much he wants Luke back._

_"To __**our**__ apartment," Luke emphasizes the joint ownership of the apartment before continuing, "Do you remember when you asked me to come get you when I figured out what I wanted you around for?" Luke gives his signature "Noah smile" as his eyes begin to lovingly twinkle._

_"That was only a few hours ago, so, yeah." Noah grins as he lets his hopes rise._

_"Well I want you around for everything," Luke gazes intimately into Noah's eyes._

_"That's what I want too. Why do you think I act so crazy sometimes," Noah chuckles happily._

_"I don't know," Luke laughs, "but maybe I make it harder on you." Luke grabs Noah's hands and grins from ear to ear._

_"Yeah," Noah chuckles, "Yeah, you do, but you're kinda worth it." Noah's tone turns serious as he returns Luke's intimate gaze._

_Luke gives a little chuckle._

_"So when you going to move back in," Noah finally gets to the question he's been dying to ask. Noah's hand reaches out and rest's on Luke's right shoulder._

_"Well my bags are in the car. So, uh, when's your shift over," Luke responds excitedly._

_"Not soon enough," Noah mutters as Luke pulls him into a romantic kiss._

The sound of Noah's computer starting up brings him out of his memory. Noah sighs and wishes he was back at Java on that day two years ago. He wants the zestful Luke back. Heck he'd even take pissy, bratty Luke if it meant having him back period. Noah turns back to the laptop, lets the polo fall to the ground, and opens up a new word document. Heaving a sigh Noah begins to type.

**September 21st, 2011**

**My dearest Luke-**

**Hey babe. It's been two weeks since the accident. Remember when I told you that I couldn't imagine life without you? Well now I don't have to imagine it because life without you is now a reality.**

**The day after your funeral I started seeing a therapist. Dr. Elridge has been a big help. She has been seeing me every day for a little over a week now. She doesn't ever push me to talk to her.**

**Gosh Luke, you were never this patient with me. I know you tried but you're impatient by nature. I can just see you now, begging me to talk to Dr. Elridge. I want to talk to her about you and everything that happened, but you know me I can only ever talk about intimate stuff with you.**

**So Dr. Elridge suggested I write to you about anything and everything. She figures if I do this every day, eventually I'll be able to open up. I don't know if she's right. You were the only one I could talk to. So I don't see how writing to you letters will help, but I figure I would give it a shot. **

**Luke I can still smell your scent all over the place at our apartment. At first I resented it because I didn't want your scent I wanted you the person. Now when I smell you I find myself stopping to take in as much of it as possible. It gives me piece of mind I guess. Just today I found myself smelling a shirt of yours that I found. I remembered the first day I'd seen you wear it. Luke you have no idea how gorgeous you look in blue it really brings out the vitality in your skin. **

**I miss you so much that sometimes all I want to do is curl up and die so that I could be with you again. Anytime I feel like this all I have to do is look at that picture of you and I remember that you would have wanted me to move on with my life. **

**Luke just so you know I am not ready to move on yet. You think you could give me some time? You are after all the love of my life and I am still trying to find my way through everyday things without you. So please be patient with me I am only half the man I used to be. **

**Well I have to go do two weeks' worth of laundry. Until next time my love. I will always love you more than words can express.**

**Love-**

**Noah**

Noah saves the letter and sighs. He doesn't know why but this exercise emotionally drained him. Noah feels an aching in his chest. However, Noah isn't even fazed by the ache; it shows up at random moments ever since Luke died.

He gets up and begins to gather up all the dirty clothes scattered across the bedroom. Noah takes the dirty laundry to the washer and dryer. He is loading up the washer when he hears a cell phone ring.

Noah looks around for his cell. He finds it on the dresser in the bedroom. The ringing sound continues as Noah realizes it is Luke's phone. Noah picks up the phone tenderly as if it might explode. A million thoughts are racing through Noah's brain as he pushes the "TALK" button.

"He-hello," Noah stutters nervously.

"Hello, Luke?" the voice on the other end asks.

"No, this is Noah. Who is this?" Noah asks keeping his voice guarded.

"My name is Becky. I am calling in regards to Mr. Snyder's watch. It has been repaired," the chipper female voice explains, "So is Mr. Snyder available?"

"Ma'am Luke is…" Noah trails off as his voice chokes with emotion, "Luke passed away two weeks ago."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I know this might be difficult to do, but could someone come and get his watch from us?" Becky asks sympathetically.

"Oh, umm, yeah I'll come and get it." Noah mutters in an unfeeling numb tone before hanging up.

Noah sighs and drops the cell back on the bedside table where Luke had left it that morning two weeks ago. Needing some sort of leverage, Noah collapses onto the bed and heaves dry sobs. He stares into nothingness as he swallows the lump in his throat. The watch. Noah remembers how the day before the accident Luke had been flipping out because his watch had broke.

_Luke was pacing animatedly with a hint of agitation, the sight of which made Noah chuckle which was a bad thing to do at the present time. Luke, hearing the chuckle, spins around to face Noah, who is leaning against the counter nonchalantly._

_"Oh sure laugh, but I figured you would be upset too. After all you were the one that gave it to me as a gift, remember?" Luke snapped at his boyfriend._

_"Babe, calm down. It's just the watch band, which I might add is replaceable," Noah sooths._

_"Yeah but how am I supposed to go into this foundation meeting I have today without my good luck charm," Luke mopes._

_"Well just think of me if you're really that worried about it." Noah reasoned._

The watch. Noah remembers giving Luke that watch three Christmas' ago. That day had been a big deal because they hadn't seen each other since the election scandal.

Making up his mind, Noah grabs his keys and leaves the apartment. He drives his truck to the watch repair shop. As he walks through the door a bell overhead jingles. A woman standing behind the counter, reading a magazine looks up at the sound of the bell.

She sees that the customer moves as if he is a zombie. The man's features are haggard and worn from an obvious sadness. Becky wonders what the man looks like when he is happy. The man walks up to the counter and Becky notices the man's sorrowful blue eyes. She suppresses the urge to hug this man.

"Umm…you have a watch for me," Noah mumbles.

"Name," Becky asks as she turns to the customer reference list.

"Luke Snyder," Noah says as he swallows a lump in his throat.

"Ahh, yes! Here you are sir." Becky says cheerfully as she passes a small red box to Noah.

Noah wordlessly grabs the box and heads out of the store. He is almost out the door before he remembers something and turns back.

"How much does this cost," Noah asks emotionlessly.

"Oh, sir, Luke already paid for it. He did that when he brought the watch in." Becky answers with a hint of energy in her tone.

Noah merely nods in understanding. Then he starts to leave again. Before he's even reached the door however, he hears the woman's voice.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Luke had been adamant about getting the watch repaired. 'It's a gift from my boyfriend, Noah,' he had said. I could tell he was crazy about this boyfriend of his." Becky states softly.

Noah just glances back at the woman. He gives her a small forced smile.

"He loved me more than you will ever know," Noah simply mutters as he leaves the shop.

Once back in his truck Noah takes the watch out of the box and he is again reminded of the day he gave it to Luke. Feeling tears welling up in his eyes, Noah turns the watch over and reads, _worth the wait_. Silently Noah puts the watch on his wrist and allows the tears to fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**September 22, 2011**

**My Dearest Luke-**

**Today was day 15 of waking up without you lying there beside me. I still get that feeling that you are still alive when I first wake up in the morning. Dr. Elridge told me that this feeling is perfectly normal. When I asked her when it goes away she just answered, "Only time will tell". When I finally do realize that you are dead the realization still hits my soul like a knife.**

**On a happier note, I finally decided to go back to work today. I called Kim Hughes first thing this morning and told her I was coming back. She was happy and acted as though the station was unable to function any longer without me. I personally think she was just trying to be nice. She must know how difficult going back to work is for me.**

**When I arrived at WOAK you will never guess who I ran into, **_**Your mother!**_** She looked like crap. I have a feeling she hasn't slept in days. Heck I have a hard time sleeping on occasion since you died. I keep having the nightmare where I have to relive the car accident and watching the life leave your eyes as you slipped away. A dream like that would cause anyone insomnia.**

**Well Lily was apparantly at the station just checking to make sure everything was going okay. She was like a robot going through the motions but not really caring about what she was doing. I can imagine she spends alot of her time locked in her room too. **

**You will never guess what I did when we acknowledged each other's presence. I handed her my therapists' card and told her that she was really helping me deal and that I thought she should take a chance with Dr. Elridge. Lily nodded her head in agreement, but I don't think she fully understood all that I said. After that we hugged and then she left.**

**Kim Hughes then came out and gave me a hug and told me how glad she was to have me back. To tell you the truth Luke I really just wanted to be back at my old job at Java. At least that place didn't hold so many memories. WOAK on the other hand is swarming with memories of us.**

**So as you can tell it was hard for me to go back to work, however it was totally necessary. I have to begin to move on with my life. I have to keep living and I know that this is what you would want me to do, go back to work. Well in order to get back to "normal" I figured that returning to work would be the easiest. Boy was I ever wrong.**

**The first thing that hit me when I walked into WOAK this morning was the nostalgia. I suddenly remembered being at that exact spot, just inside the doors, a mere 4 and a half years ago. It had been my first day in Oakdale. I was nervous, not about the job, but about how coming in late on my first day would say about my character. I just wanted to succeed at this job so much that I was worried being late on the first day would get me fired. You didn't help my fears any, I remember how you were so rude to me that first time we met. I couldn't believe someone who didn't even know me could be so cruel. I decided right then that I was going to get you to like me even if it killed me.**

**Then I remembered the day that I first felt a spark from you. It was the day you were kind of pissy about something and refused to let me help you carry all the videos you were toting about. When you ended up tripping and dropping all the ordered videos you got even more pissed. I immediately squated down and started helping you because I was still trying to get you to like me. All of a sudden I reach for the exact same video as you at exactly the same time. The touch of my hand on your's sent a spark through my body and I glanced at you and all of a sudden my heart stopped. At that point I didn't want to admit to the fact that I was crushing on you, but that was only because of the way I was raised.**

**Do you remember the first time we kissed? Oh wait how could you forget it was our first kiss after all. Well I remember feeling so flustered because I was running late to meeting my dad for lunch. When you offered to help me with my tie I was hesitant to let you help me because just standing a few feet from you was agony. I could only imagine what being inches from you would feel like. You straightened my tie that day, and every time after that day as well, and I suddenly felt the urge to kiss you. I wanted to know what it was like to kiss those soft luscious looking lips of yours. Luke, I must admit that the first kiss we shared was definitely MAGICAL! I am so sorry that I denied my feelings towards you for the longest time after that. You deserved better than that.**

**Now please tell me you remember the second time we kissed? God that kiss was even more magical if thats even possible. I was so confident about what I wanted to do, but I took it slow because I saw how nervous you were to be that close to me after I had broken your heart as a result of the last kiss. I merely had to touch your hand and you were suddenly willing to kiss me and I was never happier. Kissing you that time was like we were in this whole other world that contained only you and me. I hoped it would last forever, but then my dad barged in. I want to say thank you Luke because you were never afraid to stand up to the man even though he insulted you at every turn. I never deserved all the love and care you gave me when our relationship was in the baby stages.**

**It may have been hard for me to remember all those great memories that makes up our past, but I didn't let on about it. I merely went into my office and shut the door and asked to not be disturbed. As second nature I locked my office door out of fear that I would be interrupted. My fear of being interrupted during a private personal moment is all your fault. We were always getting interrupted whenever we attempted to have sex back in the early days of our relationship. That, Luke, is why you are to blame for my fear. Anyways when I got into my office I didn't cry, I laughed. I laughed because I still can't wrap my head around why you chose me over any other guy. I was the confused and vulnerable guy and you still fell in love with me. Did you just know that time would help my confidence levels?**

**Do you remember the first day I started working at WOAK? Well I sure do. I remember how you had come to wish me good luck on my first day. I was so nervous but you on the other hand was as cool as a cucumber. You simply strode into my office and plopped down on the corner of my desk and faced me. You gave me your signature "Noah grin" and I couldn't resist smiling too. I was no longer nervous and I proved that to you by planting a kiss on your lips. Remember how we were starting to get into the moment, right there in my office? If my memory serves me correctly that was yet another interrupted moment only it wasn't a person this time, it was a phone call.**

**I know we didn't have sex in my office on that day, but we did a few weeks later one night when I was working late. I remember you had come to pick me up for my romantic evening with you in celebration of my 22 Birthday, but I wasn't ready to leave yet so I asked you to wait a second. Wait you did, but you didn't make it easy on me. At first it was merely talking and asking questions, but then you switched to more enticing tactics.**

**You started by kissing me softly on my cheek. Then you slowly worked way to my ear. You nibbled on my ear for a little bit before moving on to sucking on my neck right at my "Achilles Heel" spot, in the crook of my neck. I had to close my eyes in an attempt to focus on my work task at hand. You took this to mean that I was defeated so you wrapped your arms over my shoulders and began to massage my chest. All the while you whisper, "Im so in love with you Noah Mayer." Suddenly one of your hands moved from my chest to my inner thigh. At that my resolve flew out the window. You really were such a great tease and you knew all the right spots to touch if you wanted to turn me on.**

**The rest of what happened that night is a blur, but how we had sex doesn't matter. All that matters is remembering how much love and passion was expressed between us that night. I am aware that the total amount of love and passion shared between us leaves others to question the validity of their love. Despite contrary belief our love and passion doesn't end with your death. Nor does it end with mine. It can only end when there is no one else left to remember our story.**

**So when I went to Dr. Elridge today she asked me if I had written you a letter. When I responded with yes she immediately assigned me a new task. She told me that I needed to sort through all your belongings and get rid of things little by little. I know she means well and I know that its theraputic , however this task is impossible to do at the current time. I can't bare the thought of getting rid of you piece by piece.**

**I am so afraid Luke, not of living without you but of losing my memories of you. How can I be sure that the memory of how you looked when you first woke up will stay with me forever? Or the look you'd give me when you were tired of talking about something? Or the look you gave me when I did something incredibly stupid? Or the look you got when you wanted people to pity you? Or the smile you gave to only me in order to show your love? Or the look you gave when you were being your usual pissed off bratty self? Luke how do I get you to stay in my memories forever?**

**Well Luke it's time for me to sign off and go to bed. Until next time my love. I love you more than words can express.**

**Love**

**Noah**


	3. Chapter 3

Noah knocks on the door to office number 123. After a few, very long, seconds he hears a voice.

"Come in," a high pitched woman's voice calls out.

Noah sighs and opens the door. He quietly crosses the office and sits in one of the armchairs. He fiddles with his thumbs, hoping to get this over with as painlessly as possible.

"So Noah, how are things?" Dr. Elridge asks as she brings her chair around so that she is facing Noah.

"How do you think," Noah growls softly.

"I don't know. That's why I asked you," she calmly responds.

"I feel empty inside all the time. I keep seeing and hearing him everywhere. Yesterday night I was halfway through dialing his number before I remembered. I wanted to just be able to turn to him and tell him about my day and have him cuddle me in response, but I'll never get that again." Noah says on the verge of breaking down.

"Are you writing to him?" Dr. Elridge inquires as she writes on a yellow notepad.

"Yes," Noah says staring sightlessly at the doctor's blank computer screen.

"Does it help?" Dr. Elridge asks without seeming to think.

"Temporarily," Noah mutters still not looking at Dr. Elridge.

"Noah, when do the helping effects of the letters wear off?" Dr. Elridge soothes.

"When I finish the letter," Noah mumbles, "because it feels like he's alive whenever I'm writing to him, but then when I sign out his presence dissipates."

"So you feel like you're actually talking to him when you write the letters?"

"Yeah," Noah sighs, "Isn't that the whole point of the exercise?"

"The point of the exercise is whatever you want it to be." Dr. Elridge states as she watches Noah out of the corner of her eye.

"What else do you want to talk about," Noah mumbles into his lap.

"Whatever you want to talk about, this is your therapy." Dr. Elridge points out.

"I moved out of our apartment, temporarily." Noah admits after a few minutes of silence passed between Doctor and patient.

"Where are you living now?" Dr. Elridge puts down her pen.

"My friend Casey Hughes is letting me stay with him. I just couldn't handle all the reminders right now. It's gotten to where I can't sleep because his absence in bed beside me is so monumental," says Noah as he finally turns his gaze to Dr. Elridge.

"That's understandable. How do you think Luke would feel about this move?" Dr. Elridge prompts therapeutically.

"What does that matter? Luke is dead!" Noah vented his frustration with Dr. Elridge's vague questions increasing.

"What if you were able to talk to Luke about moving out of your apartment?" Dr. Elridge proposes.

"Do you think I'd be moving out if Luke were still able to talk to me?" Noah spits vehemently.

"I don't know Noah. Only you can answer that." Dr. Elridge states.

"Don't you ever give your opinion? Isn't that part of your job: help me figure shit out?" Noah stands up and starts pacing agitatedly around the office.

"At this point you need to be able to open up and talk about some of your most personal feelings before I can start you on the path to recovery." Dr. Elridge glances at the agitated Noah.

Noah stops his pacing and sits down. He is silent for a while. Dr. Elridge doesn't say a word; she just calmly waits on Noah.

"He would tell me to do whatever it takes to get out of the funk I am in. However, he would add that I can't date again for another 20 years." Noah says numbly, but lets out a chuckle at the end of his statement.

"So you guys had discussed the idea of dying?" Dr. Elridge asks softly.

"Yeah, we talked about it all the time; especially after we were kidnapped." Noah sighs.

"When were you kidnapped?" Dr. Elridge urges Noah to continue.

"A few years ago, some upset members of Luke's father's side of the family wanted Luke's inheritance money. So they figured kidnapping me was their best bet." Noah explains.

"How did your kidnapping make Luke feel?" Dr. Elridge asks in her full on therapist tone.

"At first he was upset because the kidnappers made me lie to him and tell him that I went away in order to get some space. Then when Damian, Luke's biological father, went to where I was supposed to be and didn't find me, Luke began to freak out." Noah opens up to Dr. Elridge.

"So how did it come to be that you were both kidnapped?"

"Luke received the ransom note and set out to find me. When he did find me I tried telling him it was a trap but he was insistent on getting me out of there so he didn't see the kidnappers come in and overpower him. Before we knew it the both of us were tied to a pole. We were unable to see each other properly." Noah continues to recant his kidnapping tale.

"Noah, I must ask, how was it for you to know that Luke was with you but unable to be seen?" Dr. Elridge interrupts.

"It was torture. He kept saying he was fine but I knew he was lying to me. So when he asked me how I was, I didn't want to upset him, I lied and said I was fine. However, Luke has a way of getting me to say things I normally wouldn't. He soon found out I was tired, thirsty, and weak from being tied up." Noah admits before falling silent.

"So you guys obviously got out alive, how did this ordeal change your relationship?" Dr. Elridge breaks the silence.

"We became closer because there is just something about being tied up with you boyfriend that changes a person. When we got out Luke was so protective of me and I of him. He constantly worried about my hurt shoulder and I constantly worried about the psychological damage Zoe must have given him." Noah says more to himself than Dr. Elridge.

"What happened to your shoulder?"

"Zac and Zoe shot at me when we tried to escape. After that we were tied back to the pole and the kidnappers showed no mercy on my hurt arm. They still tied the rope extra tight. They didn't even bother to staunch the bleeding. As I lost more and more blood Luke did everything in his power to keep me talking to him." Noah explains, "He finally convinced Zoe to go and get me some medicine, but he had to do something for Zoe in return. He had to have sex with her; Luke was willing just to get me medicine. However, once I had gotten my medicine and I kept hearing her touching and caressing my boyfriend I lost it."

"Lost it how?"

"I gathered up all the strength left in me and I wrestled Zoe off of him with my legs." Noah admits.

"I'm sure Luke was grateful for that," Dr. Elridge concludes.

"Actually he got mad at me for trying to be a hero." Noah chuckles.

"So after you recovered from your gunshot wound how was your relationship changed?" Dr. Elridge picks up her pen again.

"Luke had a harder time letting me go on trips that would take me away from him because he was afraid I'd be kidnapped again or worse killed." Noah sighs retrospectively.

"Did he eventually get over that?" Dr. Elridge leans back in her chair.

"Yeah he did, about a year ago. After that things got a lot better. Then the accident happened." Noah mumbles as he puts his head in his hands.

"Well, Noah that was a very productive hour." Dr. Elridge says as she stands up and places her notepad on her desk.

She sees Noah out of her office with a small smile. Noah went to his truck but he didn't head back to Casey's apartment. Instead he heads towards the edge of town. At the cemetery Noah pulls to the side of the road and walks into the small plot cluttered with neatly aligned headstones.

Noah keeps walking down the main pathway. He finally stops at the back of the cemetery. He kneels down at a fresh burial site. His hand runs over the small letters located on the dark granite headstone marking this newer grave.

_Luciano "Luke" Eduardo Snyder_

_May 16, 1988 – September 7, 2011_

_Loving Son, Brother, and Boyfriend_

_"An Angel Given To Us For a Short Time"_

Noah lies down on the fresh mound of dirt. He didn't care that his nice clothes were getting dirty. He merely wanted to be closer to Luke's body than he'd been since before the accident.

"Luke, I opened up to Dr. Elridge today, but why do I still feel like crap. I wish you were here. I need you so much it hurts. I hope you don't mind that I moved out of our apartment temporarily. I just needed some time away from it all so that I could start to heal." Noah mutters as he kisses the ground where he figures Luke's head is located. Then Noah curls up and hugs the mound letting the tears from his eyes moisten the ground.

Noah doesn't even mind when the skies let up and it begins to pour. He doesn't care when the sun sinks below the horizon and the sky becomes dark. He only cared about being as close to Luke as he possibly could. It was a comfort he desperately needed. The moon is his only witness as he falls asleep on top of Luke's gravesite.


	4. Chapter 4

**September 25, 2011**

**My Dearest Luke,**

**I know I haven't written in a couple of days. That doesn't mean I don't care. I care more than you will ever know. The last few days have been really busy for me at work.**

**When I'm not at work I am either sleeping or at a therapy session with Dr. Elridge. I know what you are thinking, and no I don't think I am working too much. Luke you must understand that right now working keeps the pain of losing you at bay. When I am not working I find that my mind slips into a deep depression. You are my whole life, so I hope you can understand why this is so hard for me.**

**The other day at therapy I opened up. I told Dr. Elridge about our kidnapping and its repercussions. She sat there quietly listening and writing notes about what I was saying. She never judged me nor did she offer suggestions on how to deal. **

**I am going to tell her about us in the next therapy session. I figure that talking about you to her is more helpful than just spending my sessions not talking at all. I am starting to trust her more and more with each session.**

**Luke as I begin to move on I want you to understand that I am not getting rid of you. I am merely trying to come to a point where I can think about you and not feel sad. I am trying to be happy again without you.**

**Until next time my love.**

**Love,**

**Noah**

Noah closes the word document and gets up from his desk. He strides to the door and opens it. His secretary, Julie, looks up as he passes her.

"Mr. Mayer, should I hold all your calls?" Julie asks Noah's back.

"No, just take messages. I don't know when or if I'll be back," Noah mutters not turning around.

"Okay, will do Mr. Mayer." Julie responds.

"You can call me Noah." Noah says as he turns to look at Julie.

"Sorry, Mr. May-err- Noah" Julie stammers.

Noah leaves the station and climbs into his truck. He drives to Dr. Elridge's office. At her office Noah pauses before going inside.

Dr. Elridge looks up when she sees Noah standing in her doorway.

"Come on in Noah," Dr. Elridge motions her patient forward.

"I was wondering if I could take you somewhere today. It's beneficial to my therapy." Noah rushes out in one breath.

Dr. Elridge merely nods and grabs her coat and purse.

"Can we take my vehicle," Dr. Elridge asks.

Noah shrugs and shoves his hands into his pockets. The two walk outside and get inside Dr. Elridge's blue Toyota Hybrid car. Noah silently glances around wondering how he got the nerve to suggest this.

"Where do you want to go, Noah," Dr. Elridge prompts.

"Snyder Pond, it's at Emma Snyder's Farm." Noah mumbles, gazing at his hands.

"Is it okay for us to go there?" Dr. Elridge asks as she pulls out of the parking lot.

"Yes, I called Emma this morning and explained everything. She told me that it was fine." Noah sighs still not raising his eyes from his hands.

The rest of the ride to Snyder is silent. Noah spends the entire ridge fiddling his thumbs and thinking. Noah thinks about how hard visiting Snyder Pond is going to be. He hasn't been there since before Luke's death. Before Luke died Noah would go there all the time with Luke and one or more of his siblings. Sometimes they went there alone.

"Here we are, Snyder Farm. Where's the pond?" Dr. Elridge puts the car in park and cuts the engine.

Noah silently climbs out and walks across the yard. Dr. Elridge tries to catch up to Noah, but she doesn't until she reaches the bank of the pond.

Noah's back is to her and the rest of the farm. Dr. Elridge stops just short of being right behind Noah. She silently waits for Noah to speak.

"Luke and I loved to come here all the time." Noah says in a ragged breath.

"Why here?" Dr. Elridge responds automatically.

"Luke loved the peacefulness that surrounds this pond. He grew up on the banks of the pond. This was his place to go when he needed to think or unwind." Noah mumbles as he closes his eyes.

"You said that you and Luke would come out here." Dr. Elridge reminds Noah.

"Yes Luke first brought me here to swim with him one hot summer day. It was the first time I had really been alone with him. That was the first time I remember having feelings for Luke. After that first evening out here, I loved to come and swim with Luke and sometimes his family. Luke always looked so at home when he was here at the pond. I remember that it was right here when Luke told Faith that we were together. Other times we came here it was just to sit on the banks and relax or talk. The happiest memory here is when we came here back in June. It was a hot summer day and Luke was in such a great mood. I ended up asking him to be my partner for life. Luke had been so happy to oblige me. So I gave him a ring to signify my promise. We then planned to get married someday." Noah tells Dr. Elridge as he begins to softly sob.

Dr. Elridge doesn't say anything. She steps forward and gently places a hand on her patient's sobbing shoulder. Noah turns slightly to look at Dr. Elridge.

"Sorry, it's just really hard to talk about this," Noah blubbers.

"Noah, you don't have to continue." Dr. Elridge consoles, all professionalism abandoned.

"No, I need to talk about him. I need to learn to move on." Noah explains.

"Well our session is done for today. We can continue tomorrow," Dr. Elridge states as she steps away from Noah, "Let's get back to the office."

"You go ahead; I need more time out here. I'll get a ride back from one of the Snyder's." Noah sighs as he turns back to face the pond.

Dr. Elridge walks back to her car and drives away. Noah continues to stare sightlessly at the pond, tear tracks staining his face.

He slips into his memories. Noah is taken back to a hot summer day in June.

_He was feeling nervous because he wanted to ask Luke something major. Luke looks back at him with a small grin and a look of childish mischievousness._

_Noah is caught off guard by Luke's look. Luke takes advantage of that by shoving Noah into the pond. Noah goes under, weighted down by his clothing, then struggles to stay above the water. Noah splutters and gasps for breath as he gains his barings._

"_Luke, what was that for?" Noah gasps angrily._

"_You're way too serious all the time. You need to learn to ease up a bit." Luke chides Noah as he jumps in the pond._

"_You need to grow up, Luke Snyder" Noah says with a grin._

"_Why would I want to do that? Life is short, Mayer, why not live it up?" Luke grins and grabs Noah by the arm, pulling him closer._

"_Okay whatever you say, Snyder. Can you do something for me?" Noah gazes into Luke's milky brown eyes._

"_Sure, you know I'd do anything for you." Luke mutters softly._

"_Will you promise to be mine for the rest of your life?" Noah asks tentatively._

"_Do you even have to ask?" Luke mutters as he pulls Noah into a kiss_


	5. Chapter 5

Noah opens his eyes and for a few seconds he can still see Luke in the water. Noah grins at the sight of Luke splashing around and daring Noah to join him with his eyes and mischievous grin. Noah walks towards the edge of the pond and takes his plaid blue and white button down shirt off.

"Noah! Don't!" screams a female voice.

Noah turns around as a girl runs into him, almost knocking him over. Noah steps back a fraction so as to see whose body just hit him. He stares at the young woman in front of him and he recognizes her as Faith Snyder. Noah glances back at the pond, but Luke has vanished. Noah, a little disoriented, becomes frantic.

"Where is he?" Noah screams as he looks around frantically.

"Where is who?" Faith asks confused and concerned by Noah's actions.

"Luke, he was just in the water. He was silently teasing me and daring me to join him." Noah gasps still searching.

"Noah, Luke died a few weeks ago. Don't you remember?" Faith whispers calmly and comfortingly.

"No, no," Noah shakes his head and starts to cry again, "He was just here. He had promised to be my one and only. He can't be dead. You're lying to me!"

"I wish I were, Noah, I really do. However, Luke is dead." Faith cries softly.

Faith then stoops over and picks up Noah's discarded shirt. She wraps her arms around Noah and leads him back to the farmhouse. Faith glances at Noah and notices all the things different about the one man who had loved her brother unconditionally.

His once sparkling blue eyes are now a dull blue almost gray. It is as though the life has left them. Noah's appearance seems haggard and worn. Faith can remember a time when Noah towered over her with his stiff, military posture. Now Faith can tell Noah could care less about the formalities of being an Army Brat.

The two young adults enter Emma's vacant kitchen. Faith leads Noah over to the kitchen table. She helps him sit down and when Noah doesn't even move, she hugs him. All her love and warmth tries to enter Noah's soul, but his sadness doesn't allow it.

Faith stands up straight and walks to the front room in search of anyone who can help her. She finds Emma and Lily sitting there talking quietly. Upon Faith's entrance Emma looks up.

"Can you guys help me?" Faith asks tentatively.

"Why sure sweetheart! What do you need?" Emma says warmly as she wraps Faith in a hug.

Faith proceeds to tell her mom and grandma her plan. All the while Lily listens, quietly pondering a flaw she has found.

"Sweetie it's a great plan and all but are you sure Noah can handle it?" Lily asks concerned.

"No, I am not sure, you just got to risk it in order to find out," Faith answers, "So you guys in?"

Emma and Lily nod, and Faith grins. The three women set to work on Faith's plan. Meanwhile, Noah has snapped out of his trance and is trying to figure out where everybody is. He looks around at the familiar, yet strange kitchen belonging to Emma Snyder. He remembers all the times spent in here with Luke when they were younger and still in college.

The sound of the back door slamming causes Noah to jump. He stands up and spins around to face Holden Snyder.

"Noah, it's really good to see you here. We haven't seen you since Luke's funeral." Holden softly mutters as his grief filled brown eyes meet Noah's lost and broken blue ones.

"I came here with my therapist. Thought it might help, but I ended up feeling worse." Noah croaks.

"You wanna talk about it?" Holden asks half-heartedly.

"I guess." Noah shrugs.

"Why do you feel worse instead of better?" Holden asks.

"I was telling my therapist about Luke. Then when she left I remembered a day back in June. I swear I saw Luke in the pond. I was going to join him when Faith stopped me. Why do I feel like this all the time now?" Noah tells Holden.

"Feel like what," Holden asks a little confused.

"Like I am all alone; like Luke left me without anything to live for." Noah mumbles, shuffling his feet.

"Noah," Holden sighs as he wraps Noah in his arms, "You are never alone. You will always have the Snyder's to call family. Furthermore Noah, you have plenty to live for."

"Like what," Noah asks softly.

"Noah, even though Luke has passed on you still have his love inside you. He would have wanted you to keep doing all the things you used to. You have to remember that you still have a lot of life left in you. That is enough to live for, if you ask me," Holden reassures the saddened man in his arms.

Noah pulls out of Holden's embrace and gives him a forced half smile. The two men silently exchange words of comfort. They continue to silently stand in close proximity to each other. Suddenly the kitchen is filled with noise as the rest of the Snyder's entered. Noah glances out at the faces of Faith, Lily, Emma, Ethan, Natalie, and Holden Snyder. He sees the same pain and sadness, he felt, reflected on their faces.

"Noah, we would like you to stay for dinner with us. That's if you want." Emma invites warmly.

"Please stay Noah! We miss seeing you," Natalie pleads.

"Fine," Noah concedes wearily.

The entire Snyder clan smiles at Noah's acceptance of their dinner invitation. They all sit down around the table as Emma brings the food over. Noah hesitates before sitting down at his usual spot. The vacancy next to him is, in his opinion, so monumental that it seems to be the elephant in the room. Noah gently caresses the wooden chair next to him.

"It's so weird being here without Luke." Noah comments so quietly he wonders if he actually said it out loud.

"Yeah, Luke always made dinner lively." Lily reminisces.

"Luke was a lot of things to all of us," Faith states what everyone was thinking.

"Remember all the times Luke would come in sweaty from farm chores and want food immediately?" Emma asks with a chuckle as she remembers.

Everyone nods and their spirits raise just a little bit more. Then a silence falls as everyone looks to the other to say the next memory.

"My memory of Luke will always be that of him teasing me about boys. He always said that any boy who wanted to be my boyfriend would have to be approved by him; which meant that I would be an old maid because no one was good enough for me," Faith giggles.

"It's true," Holden responds.

Noah observes everyone else as they eat and reminisce about Luke. He can't even think of a memory suitable to add to the conversation. Noah hears Holden add his memory.

"I remember this day in June when Luke was 18. Luke came home and started gushing to me about this dark haired guy who was the new intern. He also agonized about this guy because he was dating Maddie," Holden says as he glances at Noah with a grin.

Noah smiles trying to imagine Luke talking to his dad about this new guy he was working with. Noah had always known that Luke had feelings for him from the very beginning.

"I remember Luke telling me he had feelings for me. I was shocked and relieved at the same time." Noah finds himself saying.

"Relieved?!" Lily and Faith exclaim at the same time.

"Yeah, Luke had this hold on me from the moment I met him. Before that I'd never even thought that being with a guy was possible or right. Luke changed me in more ways than I can count." Noah explains to the Snyder's.

Not a single word is said for the next five minutes. The silence that falls over the room is no longer a sad one, but a joyous one. It seems as though Luke is still working his magic even from the grave.

"I knew that my plan would work." Faith exclaims suddenly, "I knew that if we all got together and talked about Luke it would make us all feel better."

Noah looks Faith in the eyes and mouths words of thanks. For the first time in weeks, Noah felt like everything would get back to normal. Noah realizes that Holden's words were true, Noah would never be alone. Thanks to Luke, Noah now had a place to call home and people to call family.


	6. Chapter 6

Noah Mayer steps up to the podium. He scans the sea of faces and feels his nerves go haywire. Then he locks his eyes on a pair of soft brown ones and he finds his strength once more.

Behind Noah is an advertisement for his film, _An Unbreakable Bond; _his first major success as a director. Noah can't help imagining how Luke would have looked as he watched his "Bubby" introduce the film students to the secrets of his success.

Noah clears his throat in an attempt to quell the chatter in the audience. The room goes silent and all eyes are on him. The film students are all on the edge of their seats in silent anticipation.

"Hello, I am Noah Mayer and I am here to talk to you about inspiration. As a film student myself I learned that inspiration is a major contributing factor to a person's success. Inspiration isn't always easy to find. It took me many years to realize that my inspiration was right in front of me."

Noah pauses and glances around again hoping to see a response in the many faces. Not seeing any, Noah trudges on.

"Unfortunately my inspiration never got the chance to know that he inspired me. You see the person who inspired my film career died three years ago and I didn't recognize him as an inspiration until after he was gone. Luke Snyder was and still is the love of my life. I was devastated when he died because he had been my whole life for over four years."

Noah's voice catches and he has to stop in order to regain his composure. At that moment a film student in the front row stood up. Noah glances at the standing student.

"Mr. Mayer, what happened to Luke?" the student asks timidly

"He was in a car accident. It was late at night on September 7th, 2011. He was returning home from a romantic evening with me. I was driving because Luke had indicated he was too tired. What happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life and was the inspiration for _An Unbreakable Bond._ The drive home up to this point had been uneventful and Luke was amazingly quiet. I reached the main intersection in Oakdale. The light for me was green so I continued through the intersection. I never saw the other vehicle coming. It was a navy blue SUV and the driver had been distracted by her kids. She ran the red light and barreled into the passenger side of my truck. I will never forget the sight of Luke after this woman crashed into us."

Noah sucks in his breath. He has never really talked about Luke's death in the past three years. However, seeing the sea of faces waiting with baited breath inspires Noah to continue his account of Luke's death.

"Luke's face was streaked with trails of blood. His eyes were closed and his breathing was labored and shallow. I realized that I could move so I struggled to maneuver my body closer to Luke. Finally, I was able to cradle Luke's limp body in my arms. I kept saying his name. After a few minutes Luke opened his eyes and tried to speak. 'Noah, don't worry I'm fine." Luke gasped at me. I remember saying to him, 'No, you're not you are bleeding really badly. Don't talk, save your breath.' So for the next five minutes Luke just looked at me and never said a word. I helplessly watched the life and sparkle leave Luke's eyes. Just before the medical team arrived Luke softly uttered his last words. He said, 'Noah, I am so in love with you and I always will.' Then he closed his eyes and shuddered his last breath. I remember pulling his lifeless body closer to me and sobbing uncontrollably. I told him, 'Same here'. The medical team had to fight me for his body. After he was pulled out of my arms, I passed out."

Noah heaves a sigh and wipes a stray tear off his cheek. He forces a smile in the general direction of the students.

"After months of therapy I was able to talk about Luke and how his death affected me. The result of my inspiration was a love story about two lovers who endure all to be together. My film _An Unbreakable Bond_ is based heavily on the love story of Luke and I. So the lesson I wish to teach you is this: never be afraid to make your projects autobiographical because often times the lessons you learned throughout life have also been experienced by others."

With that Noah steps away from the podium and shuffles his note cards. The professor, who asked him to speak, approaches the podium.

"Thank you, Mr. Mayer for your insight. I know this was a difficult subject for you to talk about. Students you are free to go. Thank you for being so respectful of Mr. Mayer."

All the students noisily clamber out of the lecture hall. Noah gives a smile as he watches the students' departure. He remembers being in their place only a few years ago. Noah walks toward the door as well. Halfway there Noah is stopped by a lanky, blonde boy.

The student causes Noah's breath to catch. He is a spitting image of Luke, right down to his excited brown eyes. Noah gives the student a small smile.

"Mr. Mayer I loved your presentation today. It was inspirational," the boy mutters.

"Thank you, umm…" Noah silently asks the boy his name.

"It's Luke," the boy said, "I know same as your lover." Luke gives a big grin and walks off.

Noah sighs and gives a chuckle. He shakes his head in disbelief as he exits the building. The frigid November air catches Noah off guard. He pulls his dark green sweater closer to his chest as he hurries to his truck.

Once inside his truck, Noah allows his emotions to flow. He laughs and cries before muttering to an invisible person.

"Very subtle; a student who was inspired by me and he just happens to look like you. You never were one for hinting at things. You never beat around the bush. Are you trying to tell me that you're never really gone? Because, Luke, I see you everywhere."

Noah pulls out of Oakdale University parking lot and heads out of the downtown area. He reaches his apartment complex in record time. Upon entering the apartment, Noah flips on the lights. After the presentation he had made at the college he is able to fully see all the changes that had occurred in the last three years.

Noah had gradually gotten rid of most of Luke's physical possessions. To this day he couldn't bring himself to get rid of Luke's watch and some of his shirts. Noah even had a shelf, in the bookcase, reserved for all of Luke's writings. Noah knew that he was expected to move on, however Luke would never fully leave him.

As Noah takes off his tie he realizes it is one that Luke had bought him years ago. All the subtle reminders of Luke, that Noah had encountered today, simply strengthens the unbreakable bond Luke and him shared. Noah could now safely say that he would never be alone because no matter what he would always have Luke.


End file.
